I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
