my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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