but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
