one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
