I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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