I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
