I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
