Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
