i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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