I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
