i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
