Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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