i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
