i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
