i just snorted my name. best moment ever
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
