i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
