Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
