The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
