That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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