So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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