wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
