i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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