did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
