I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
don't judge my taste in strippers
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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