When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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