Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
