I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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