soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
