Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
