I look better un-naked...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
