You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
