you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
