they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
