So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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