this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
