turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
