Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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