capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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