eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
