just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
