Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
