I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
