they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
