Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
