I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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