She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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