this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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