I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
