just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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