just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
