Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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