He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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