There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
